Our relationships are central to our lives…
…and to our happiness
Whether you are in a long term relationship, exploring a new one, or looking for love, these tips can help you to have the best relationship possible!
1. Take a deep, honest interest in your partner. (This tip is also fabulous for ANY relationship you have.) Getting to know your partner is a life long process… After a good chunk of time together, most of us think we “know” our partner, yet chances are we don’t. Not really knowing your partner creates this “space” between you. A space that, over time, grows and leaves you feeling very empty.
It’s critical, as you ask, that you listen carefully and fully to their answer. Ask more questions. Explore it deeply. Listen – don’t respond, other than an encouraging word here or there. Keep diving. If you don’t, this will backfire on you. You’ll be seen as disinterested, and they’ll wonder why you even bothered to ask in the first place.
Some good questions to ask: How long have you wanted this? What about this is important to you? Why? What fears do you have in moving forward with it? How can I help and support you in this?
You may be surprised to discover that, as you encourage and support their journey, your bond will grow stronger, not weaker.
While it’s a chick flick for sure, the movie “Don Juan DeMarco” offers some incredibly powerful relationship advice, especially around really knowing and taking an interest in your partner.
I’d like to share with you a scene between Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway which demonstrates this. You can see from the body language of these incredibly talented actors just how transforming a good question can be.
Note: The END of the movie immediately follows this scene, if you don’t want a “spoiler” please stop at 1:09 Don Juan Demarco Clip
Watch it. Apply it to your relationships. Build a strong bond instead of an “empty space”
2. Find common interests and do them together. In addition to having a deep curiosity about your partners life dreams and visions, discovering some new, fun things to do together will keep your relationship feeling fresh and young.
Common interests are probably one of the main things that attracted you to your partner, however, as we age and grow our interests change. We may give up water-skiing for sailing, or find we prefer theatre to movies. It’s important to find a few areas where you may have lost interest in something, and together, find something new to replace it. It’s one of the ways to be certain that you’ll grow together, instead of apart. ASK what your partner is interested in, what they’d like to learn, explore, and discover.
Find one you share. Then build on it.
New hobbies and activities bring you together, and add a lot of fun!
The “newness” will also add a sense of adventure and discovery to your relationship. If you’re relationship feels “stuck in a rut” give it a try.
I love the lyrics to “Escape (The Pina Colada Song”) by Rupert Holmes. The lyrics, in fact, dovetail with point #1 Take a deep, honest interest in your partner…. the song was released in 1979 so the reference to personal ads is very outdated, but the general message still rings true… The love you seek may be right in front of you, you just haven’t taken the time to realize it. (The video link above includes lyrics)
3. Offer encouragement and support. After a difficult day, there is nothing better than coming home to find love, comfort and support from your partner. Some one who won’t just let you vent the day away, but will also uplift you.
One thing I’ve learned as a life coach is the power of being there for someone who has no support and is in a tough spot. I suggest that you refine this skill for yourself.
It is life-altering for you both.
Discover ways that you can point out the positive, offer hope, and see your partner fully successful – especially when they can’t see it themselves.
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
– from “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion
Full lyrics HERE
Song can be found HERE
If you adopt these three strategies and use them in your relationship, you’ll find it deepening in ways you never imagined.
Chances are excellent that your partner will unconsciously begin to take a deep interest in you, too.
Imagine how much fun 2017 will be when you and your partner are trying new things together, learning new things, and getting to know each other on an even deeper level!
I truly love sharing what I learn with you. Watching someone have an "a-ha" moment is one of the best things in life for me.
Because I am a consummate "student" - when I find something new and interesting, I really dig deep. I study hard and then I use what I've learned to help others. (Yeah, I have gathered together quite a toolbox!)
I truly do believe in the power of "Jump Starts" and the ability everyone has to "get un-stuck." If I can do it, anyone can!
You can connect with me by email at startnewyearright (at) gmail.com and visit my personal website is: www.mariannestrait.com
I believe that every human is unique and valuable,
even if they aren't able to recognize it themselves.
I believe each and every one has the power to create a great life
once they recognize -and accept- their value.
Even as a child I've been able to help people change the way they see themselves - helping them move from a "victim" to an "owner" mindset. I help them to gain self-confidence and recognize their strengths. I've discovered that it's only when you do that, can you "get un-stuck" and "Jump Start" your life.
What drives me is helping others to succeed, to be a support system while they are taking steps toward their dream, and to watch them celebrate their victories.
The Biggest Lesson I've learned is the power of your mind. It truly does create and destroy.
It was quite a shock when I realized the power that my mindset played in every part of my life - good and bad. Discovery wasn't enough though, it still took me decades to harness this power, learn to control it, and develop a system to help others master this in a fraction of the time it took me.
Taking responsibility - even for how others treated me - was one of the hardest adjustments I had to make. To move from Victim to Owner mindset was not only difficult, it was, at times, scary.
It is a move that I am thrilled to have taken. It changed my life and it can change yours.